He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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