Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
