dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
