dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Couch. On fire.
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