theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
