dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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