watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
