2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
