He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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