And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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