Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
