After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
