i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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