I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
