omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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