I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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