i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
