It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
