I wannas sexs uuuuu
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
