I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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