she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
