I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
