We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
