if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
