A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
