this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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