I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
