you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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