yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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