Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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