Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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