Already got asked if we're dating
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
