OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
