So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
