Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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