chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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