i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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