he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm both gender and math confused
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
