My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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