i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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