She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
