I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
