My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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