I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
