do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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