oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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