Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
