I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
