I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
