Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
