Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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